It's called many things -- self-inflicted violence, self-injury, self-harm, parasuicide, delicate cutting, self-abuse, self-mutilation (this last particularly seems to annoy people who self-injure).
Broadly speaking, self-injury is the act of attempting to alter a mood state by inflicting physical harm serious enough to cause tissue damage to one's body.
The forms and severity of self-injury can vary, although the most commonly-seen behavior is cutting, burning, and head-banging. Other forms of self-injurious behavior include: • carving • scratching • branding • marking • burning/abrasions • biting • bruising • hitting • picking/pulling skin and hair
It's not self-injury if the primary purpose is: • sexual gratification • body decoration (e.g., body piercing, tattooing) • spiritual enlightenment via ritual • fitting in or being cool
Why does self-injury make some people feel better? It reduces physiological and psychological tension rapidly. Studies have suggested that when people who self-injure get emotionally overwhelmed, an act of self-harm brings their levels of psychological and physiological tension and arousal back to a bearable baseline level almost immediately. In other words, they feel a strong uncomfortable emotion, don't know how to handle it (indeed, often do not have a name for it), and know that hurting themselves will reduce the emotional discomfort extremely quickly. They may still feel bad (or not), but they don't have that panicky jittery trapped feeling; it's a calm bad feeling.
Some people never get a chance to learn how to cope effectively. One factor common to most people who self-injure, whether they were abused or not, is invalidation. They were taught at any early age that their interpretations of and feelings about the things around them were bad and wrong. They learned that certain feelings weren't allowed. In abusive homes, they may have been severely punished for expressing certain thoughts and feelings. At the same time, they had no good role models for coping. You can't learn to cope effectively with distress unless you grow up around people who are coping effectively with distress. Although a history of abuse is common about self-injurers, not everyone who self-injures was abused. Sometimes invalidation and lack of role models for coping are enough, especially if the person's brain chemistry has already primed them for choosing this sort of coping.
Problems with neurotransmitters may play a role. Just as it's suspected that the way the brain uses serotonin may play a role in depression, so scientists think that problems in the serotonin system may predispose some people to self-injury by making them tend to be more aggressive and impulsive than most people. This tendency toward impulsive aggression, combined with a belief that their feelings are bad or wrong, can lead to the aggression being turned on the self. Of course, once this happens, the person harming himself learns that self-injury reduces his level of distress, and the cycle begins. Some researchers theorize that a desire to release endorphins, the body's natural painkillers, is involved.
What kinds of people self-injure? Self-injurers come from all walks of life and all economic brackets, although most come from a middle-class to upper-class background. People who harm themselves can be male or female; straight, gay, or bisexual; Ph.D.s or high-school dropouts or high-school students; rich or poor; from any country in the world. Some people who self-injure manage to function effectively in demanding jobs; they are teachers, therapists, medical professionals, lawyers, professors, engineers. Some are on disability. Their ages range from early teens to early 60s. Nearly 50% report physical abuse and/or sexual abuse during his or her childhood. Many self-injurers report that they were discouraged from expressing emotions, particularly anger or sadness. The incidence of self-injury is about the same as that of eating disorders, but because it's so highly stigmatized, most people hide their scars, burns, and bruises carefully. They also have excuses ready when someone asks about the scars. Aren't people who would deliberately cut or burn themselves psychotic? No more than people who drown their sorrows in a bottle of vodka are. It's a coping mechanism, just not one that's as understandable to most people or as accepted by society as alcoholism, drug abuse, overeating, anorexia and bulimia, workaholism, smoking cigarettes, and other forms of problem avoidance. Okay, then isn't it just another way to describe a failed suicide attempt? NO. Self-injury is a maladaptive coping mechanism, a way to stay alive. People who inflict physical harm on themselves are often doing it in an attempt to maintain psychological integrity -- it's a way to keep from killing themselves. They release unbearable feelings and pressures through self-harm, and that eases their urge toward suicide. And, although some people who self-injure do later attempt suicide, they almost always use a method different from their preferred method of self-harm. What problems may be encountered when getting professional help? Self-injury brings out many uncomfortable feelings in people who don't do it: revulsion, anger, fear, and distaste, to name a few. If a medical professional is unable to cope with her own feelings about self-harm, then she has an obligation to herself and to her client to find a practitioner willing to do this work. In addition, she has the responsibility to be certain the client understands that the referral is due to her own inability to deal with self-injury and not to any inadequacies in the client. People who self-injure do generally do so because of an internal dynamic, and not in order to annoy, anger or irritate others. Their self-injury is a behavioral response to an emotional state, and is usually not done in order to frustrate caretakers. What problems may be encountered in the emergency room? In emergency rooms, people with self-inflicted wounds are often told directly and indirectly, that they are not as deserving of care as someone who has an accidental injury. They are treated badly by the same doctors who would not hesitate to do everything possible to preserve the life of an overweight, sedentary heart-attack patient. Doctors in emergency rooms and urgent-care clinics should be sensitive to the needs of patients who come in to have self-inflicted wounds treated. If the patient is calm, denies suicidal intent, and has a history of self-inflicted violence, the doctor should treat the wounds as they would treat non-self-inflicted injuries. Refusing to give anesthesia for stitches, making disparaging remarks, and treating the patient as an inconvenient nuisance simply further the feelings of invalidation and unworthiness the self-injurer already feels. Although offering mental health follow-up services is appropriate, psychological evaluations with an eye toward hospitalization should be avoided in the emergency room unless the person is clearly a danger to his/her own life or to others. In places where people know that self-inflicted injuries are liable to lead to mistreatment and lengthy psychological evaluations, they are much less likely to seek medical attention for their wounds and thus are at a higher risk for wound infections and other complications. Can anything be done for people who hurt themselves? Yes. Several websites offer self-help ideas. Many new therapeutic approaches have been and are being developed to help self-harmers learn new coping mechanisms and teach them how to start using those techniques instead of self-injury. These approaches reflect a growing belief among mental-health workers that once a client's patterns of self-inflicted violence stabilize, real work can be done on the problems and issues underlying the self-injury. Also, research into medications that stabilize mood, ease depression, and calm anxiety is being done; some of these drugs may help reduce the urge to self-harm. This does not mean that individuals should be coerced into stopping self-injury. Any attempts to reduce or control the amount of self-harm a person does should be based on the person's willingness to undertake the difficult work of controlling and/or stopping self-injury. Treatment should not be based on a practitioner's personal feelings about the practice of self-harm.
Hey, I’m Adam
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“We’ve created a place on the internet for you to ask the questions you’ve always wanted to ask. So take a look around, then let us know what you think about it. You might make a really good point about something, then see what others think about it as well. It’s getting involved, and sharing ideas about all kinds of subjects.”
Hi I'm Adam. I joined this web site because I really appreciate what In Search of Me Cafe is trying to do. When I was faced with tough choices I never really had a lot of people to talk to. Often I was embarrassed asking for advice on awkward stuff from my friends and family. I think if there had been an In Search of Me Cafe when I was making tough decisions it would have really helped me.
Any way enough about why I like this site so much. I have always liked to party and I love chillin’ with my friends. Obviously partying can lead to some tough life choices; I had my first alcoholic drink when I was 13. That may seem pretty young but I grew up in Europe where the legal age was 16. Yes I know... that’s still underage.
It’s true, I was underage. It’s easy to drink when your friends drink. Needless to say, from the first drink till now, I have experienced a lot. Partying was probably the best tool in learning about me which may seem strange but I really learned a lot about how I treat my friends and relationships, how I trust …you name it. Good times and bad I have gained valuable life lessons. If you ever need to talk about stuff or you have a question you’re burning to ask or if you just wanna share stories. Go ahead and holler. I won’t judge and it’s pretty hard to faze me. I’ll give you my honest opinion and you never know, you may have an experience that’ll teach me some things too.
Hey, I’m Taran
“Every teen has to face the same type of problems and try to figure out who they are. This is a place where you can do that.”
Hey, I’m Maddie
“Up until this year I was picked on a lot and it really brings down your self esteem. Kids don't think about how they're really affecting other people with their words and eventually the other kids' self esteem goes down and down and they start to believe what the bullies are saying. After a while you just start to give up and think, ‘Oh, what's the point. I suck anyway’ and your grades and everything else goes down.”
Hey, I’m Chelsi.
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Each morning I see in my mind what I’m working hard to obtain. I know I can achieve anything I set my mind on by putting in the time & effort needed. I believe one can learn from every experience. I like to ‘take the best and leave the rest’!“
As a rule I don’t like talking about myself. However, I want you to know a little about me, the “teen” likely not much different than you and thinking a lot of the same things and having similar questions etc.
I try to treat everyone with respect and kindness, just as I would hope to be treated! Hopefully I can help answer questions you may have or concerns you don’t want to discuss with an adult… you know teen-to-teen!
Here’s a bit of what I like to do…. I love hanging with my friends at the movies or the mall, and staying in with my family. I love music, sometimes when I’m upset or “heartbroken” I go in my room and just listen to music. It just lets me cool off and just not have to think.
Although I’m only 13 on paper, I’m told I’m much wiser than my years. If there is a problem, I am the first person anyone calls. I may be nice but, if someone hurts anyone I know (whether I like ya or not) they are in trouble… haha. They call me “the haha queen” because I can make any situation funny.
I hope after hearing this little bit “about me” you want to ask me your questions, and if you just want to chat, I’d love to. I like meeting new people.
-Chelsi♥ Archambeau
“And it's now, now or never when we're chasing our dreams.” -Mercy Mercedes
“I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly.” -Owl City
“Do you know what's worth fighting for? When it's not worth dying for?” –Green Day
What my friends have to say About me - Chelsi♥ ……
“I like talking to you because you can always make me feel good about myself and make me happy no matter what. I like you as a person because you really are a great friend and I thank you for being there for me, and you’re just fun to be with.” -Jessie
“It’s hard.. To put into words.. The uncanny ability you have to put a smile on my face and that’s just online, from reading the nearly poetic replies. Where as over the phones it’s near impossible to explain the warmth that washes over me when I hear your voice. For some reason when I heard you for the first time. Chelsi you inspired my first poem I wrote … -Sean
Hey, I’m Brittany
“When people go to parties just to hang out, other people come and bring drinks or cigarettes, and try to get you to do it. They keep trying and trying to get you to drink or smoke, and you might be tempted do it because you want to be known as a cool person.”
Hey, I’m Trent
“I have cousins my same age and younger who are Haitian and Filipino, which allows me to connect with other cultures. Even with different styles and different issues, these other teenagers still have some of the same dramas we have here in America, such as peer pressure.” Hey, I’m Trent
Hey, I’m Forrest
“You can post video blogs on this site -- voice your opinions about topics here as well as responses to what others are saying in their blogs. So it kinda builds upon itself.”
Hey, I’m Connor
Hi, I’m Connor Cottle. I’m 17 and a junior at Fernandina Beach High School in northeast Florida. As an only child, my friends are really important to me, so I’m either hanging out with them or texting them when we’re apart.
I spend my free time on the tennis court, the golf course, and at the beach. I volunteer frequently around my community and enjoy every minute of it.
I am also the Lead Youth Advisor of the In Search of Me Café program and I’m involved because I like how connecting teens all over the world can help them help themselves.
I’m always around if you need any advice or if you just want to hang out.