Part of being a teen is developing your own identity - one that is separate from the identities of your parents. Read this article to discover why you and your parents seem to be constantly at odds.
The clothes you wear. The food you eat. The color of your bedroom walls. Where you go and how you get there. The people you hang with. What time you go to bed.
What do these things have in common, you're asking? They're just a few examples of the many hundreds of things that your parents controlled for you when you were a child. As a kid, you didn't have a say in very much that went on; your parents made decisions about everything from the cereal you ate in the morning to the pajamas you wore at night. And it's a good thing, too — kids need this kind of protection and assistance because they aren't mature enough to take care of themselves and make careful decisions on their own.
But eventually, kids grow up and become teens. And part of being a teen is developing your own identity — one that is separate from your parents'. It's totally normal for teens to create their own opinions, thoughts, and values about life; it's what prepares them for adulthood.
But as you change and grow into this new person who makes his or her own decisions, your parents may have a difficult time adjusting. They aren't used to the new you yet — they only know you as the kid who had everything decided for you and didn't mind.
In most families, it's this adjustment that can cause a lot of fighting between teens and parents. You want to cover your walls with posters; they don't understand why you don't like your kiddie wallpaper anymore. You think it's OK to hang at the mall every day after school; they would rather that you play a sport.
Clashes like these are very common between teens and parents — teens get angry because they feel parents don't respect them and aren't giving them space to do what they like, and parents get angry because they aren't used to not being in control or they disagree with the teens' decisions.
It's easy for feelings to get very hurt when there are conflicts like these. And more complicated issues — like the types of friends you have or your attitudes about sex and partying — can cause even bigger arguments, because your parents will always be intent on protecting you and keeping you safe, no matter how old you are.
The Upside
The good news about fighting with your parents is that in many families the arguing will lessen as parents get more comfortable with the idea that their teen has a right to certain opinions and an identity that may be different from theirs. It can take several years for parents and teens to adjust to their new roles, though. In the meantime, concentrate on communicating with your parents as best you can.
Sometimes this can feel impossible — like they just don't see your point of view and never will. But talking and expressing your opinions can help you gain more respect from your parents, and you may be able to reach compromises that make everyone happy. For example, if you are willing to clean your room in order to stay out an hour later, both you and your parents walk away with a good deal.
Keep in mind, too, that your parents were teens once and that in most cases, they can relate to what you're going through.
Reviewed by: Jennifer Shroff Pendley, PhD Date reviewed: October 2007
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/Parents/fight.html#
Hey, I’m Adam
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“We’ve created a place on the internet for you to ask the questions you’ve always wanted to ask. So take a look around, then let us know what you think about it. You might make a really good point about something, then see what others think about it as well. It’s getting involved, and sharing ideas about all kinds of subjects.”
Hi I'm Adam. I joined this web site because I really appreciate what In Search of Me Cafe is trying to do. When I was faced with tough choices I never really had a lot of people to talk to. Often I was embarrassed asking for advice on awkward stuff from my friends and family. I think if there had been an In Search of Me Cafe when I was making tough decisions it would have really helped me.
Any way enough about why I like this site so much. I have always liked to party and I love chillin’ with my friends. Obviously partying can lead to some tough life choices; I had my first alcoholic drink when I was 13. That may seem pretty young but I grew up in Europe where the legal age was 16. Yes I know... that’s still underage.
It’s true, I was underage. It’s easy to drink when your friends drink. Needless to say, from the first drink till now, I have experienced a lot. Partying was probably the best tool in learning about me which may seem strange but I really learned a lot about how I treat my friends and relationships, how I trust …you name it. Good times and bad I have gained valuable life lessons. If you ever need to talk about stuff or you have a question you’re burning to ask or if you just wanna share stories. Go ahead and holler. I won’t judge and it’s pretty hard to faze me. I’ll give you my honest opinion and you never know, you may have an experience that’ll teach me some things too.
Hey, I’m Taran
“Every teen has to face the same type of problems and try to figure out who they are. This is a place where you can do that.”
Hey, I’m Maddie
“Up until this year I was picked on a lot and it really brings down your self esteem. Kids don't think about how they're really affecting other people with their words and eventually the other kids' self esteem goes down and down and they start to believe what the bullies are saying. After a while you just start to give up and think, ‘Oh, what's the point. I suck anyway’ and your grades and everything else goes down.”
Hey, I’m Chelsi.
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Each morning I see in my mind what I’m working hard to obtain. I know I can achieve anything I set my mind on by putting in the time & effort needed. I believe one can learn from every experience. I like to ‘take the best and leave the rest’!“
As a rule I don’t like talking about myself. However, I want you to know a little about me, the “teen” likely not much different than you and thinking a lot of the same things and having similar questions etc.
I try to treat everyone with respect and kindness, just as I would hope to be treated! Hopefully I can help answer questions you may have or concerns you don’t want to discuss with an adult… you know teen-to-teen!
Here’s a bit of what I like to do…. I love hanging with my friends at the movies or the mall, and staying in with my family. I love music, sometimes when I’m upset or “heartbroken” I go in my room and just listen to music. It just lets me cool off and just not have to think.
Although I’m only 13 on paper, I’m told I’m much wiser than my years. If there is a problem, I am the first person anyone calls. I may be nice but, if someone hurts anyone I know (whether I like ya or not) they are in trouble… haha. They call me “the haha queen” because I can make any situation funny.
I hope after hearing this little bit “about me” you want to ask me your questions, and if you just want to chat, I’d love to. I like meeting new people.
-Chelsi♥ Archambeau
“And it's now, now or never when we're chasing our dreams.” -Mercy Mercedes
“I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly.” -Owl City
“Do you know what's worth fighting for? When it's not worth dying for?” –Green Day
What my friends have to say About me - Chelsi♥ ……
“I like talking to you because you can always make me feel good about myself and make me happy no matter what. I like you as a person because you really are a great friend and I thank you for being there for me, and you’re just fun to be with.” -Jessie
“It’s hard.. To put into words.. The uncanny ability you have to put a smile on my face and that’s just online, from reading the nearly poetic replies. Where as over the phones it’s near impossible to explain the warmth that washes over me when I hear your voice. For some reason when I heard you for the first time. Chelsi you inspired my first poem I wrote … -Sean
Hey, I’m Brittany
“When people go to parties just to hang out, other people come and bring drinks or cigarettes, and try to get you to do it. They keep trying and trying to get you to drink or smoke, and you might be tempted do it because you want to be known as a cool person.”
Hey, I’m Trent
“I have cousins my same age and younger who are Haitian and Filipino, which allows me to connect with other cultures. Even with different styles and different issues, these other teenagers still have some of the same dramas we have here in America, such as peer pressure.” Hey, I’m Trent
Hey, I’m Forrest
“You can post video blogs on this site -- voice your opinions about topics here as well as responses to what others are saying in their blogs. So it kinda builds upon itself.”
Hey, I’m Connor
Hi, I’m Connor Cottle. I’m 17 and a junior at Fernandina Beach High School in northeast Florida. As an only child, my friends are really important to me, so I’m either hanging out with them or texting them when we’re apart.
I spend my free time on the tennis court, the golf course, and at the beach. I volunteer frequently around my community and enjoy every minute of it.
I am also the Lead Youth Advisor of the In Search of Me Café program and I’m involved because I like how connecting teens all over the world can help them help themselves.
I’m always around if you need any advice or if you just want to hang out.