Karen is a 9th-grader and has been feeling that nothing is worth it
anymore. As hard as she tries, she just doesn't seem to fit in. The
day before she had tried out for the school play, but when she got on
stage, she froze up and just stopped in the middle of her audition.
Now, everyone in the school must know about it and Karen is sure
they're laughing at her. She'll never let them know how bad she
feels. She knows what they're thinking and they're right -- she isn't
good enough and she'll never fit in. Karen hates them all.
punched his fist into the bedroom wall. But it wasn't enough. He
picked up his soda can and threw it into the hall. The brown sugary
liquid dripped down the walls and onto the carpeting. "You can't make
me!" he screamed. "I'm not going anywhere with you! I'll do what I
want!" Chris ran down the stairs and out the front door. His father
ran after him, yelling at him to get back in the house, but he had
already gotten into his car and sped away. Chris was so mad at his
father. He had better things to do than go visit family. He and his
friends had plans, and his father wasn't going to run his life. He
knew he'd feel better when he smoked some weed.
What do these two people have in common?
They're battling with anger. They are not getting what they want and
things are not the way they think they should be. They are feeling
intense displeasure or antagonism toward someone or something that
comes with the realization that things are not always in their control.
Anger is a feeling; not a behavior.
Anger takes many forms -- from indignation and resentment to rage and
fury -- and it is the expressions of the forms of anger -- the behavior
-- that we see. Katie represses her anger and withdraws. Chris is
defiant and destroys property. They will continue their behavior, or
it may escalate, until they decide to look within themselves to the
roots of their anger.
Anger can be harmful or healthy.
Anger is a frightening emotion. Its negative expressions can include physical abuse, verbal violence, prejudice, malicious gossip, antisocial behavior, sarcasm, addictions, withdrawal, and psychosomatic disorders.
This can devastate lives -- destroying relationships, harming others,
disrupting work, clouding effective thinking, affecting physical
health, and ruining futures.
But, there is a positive
aspect -- it can show us that a problem exists, as anger is usually a
secondary emotion brought on by fear. It can motivate us to resolve
those things that are not working in our lives and help us face our
issues and deal with the underlying reasons for the anger, such as abuse, grief, and trauma.
Being a parent of an angry teen brings up the anger in ourselves. Teenagers face a lot of emotional issues during this period of development. They're faced with questions of identity, separation, relationships, and purpose. The relationship between teens and their parents is also changing as teens become more and more independent.
can bring about frustration and confusion that leads to anger and a
pattern of reactive behavior for both parents and teens. Unless we
work to change our own behavior, we cannot help teens change theirs.
We need to respond rather than reactto each other
and to situations. The intention is not to deny the anger, but to
control that emotion and express it in a proactive way.
Where does this anger come from? What situations bring out this feeling of anger? Do my thoughts begin with absolutes such as "must," "should," "never," "if
only?" Are my expectations unreasonable? What unresolved conflict am I facing? Am I reacting to hurt, loss, or fear? Am I aware of anger's physical signals (e.g., clenching fists, shortness of
breath, sweating)? How do I choose to express my anger? To whom or what is my anger directed? Am I using anger as a way to isolate myself, or as a way to intimidate
others? Am I communicating effectively? Am I focusing on what has been done to me rather than what I can do? How am I accountable for what I'm feeling? How am I accountable for how my anger shows up? Do my emotions control me, or do I control my emotions?
Listen to your teen and focus on feelings. Try to understand the situation from your child's perspective.
Blaming and accusing only builds up more walls and ends all
communication. Tell how you feel, stick to facts, and deal with the
present moment. Practice relaxation and meditation. Show that you
care and show your love. Work towards a solution where everyone wins.
Remember that anger is the feeling and behavior is the choice.
Seek professional help
for your teen, yourself, and your family when the behavior is not just
a temporary response to a frustrating situation and when there is abuse, violence, chronic hostility, depression, or a risk of suicide.
Hey, I’m Adam
Visit us on Facebook! or email me
“We’ve created a place on the internet for you to ask the questions
you’ve always wanted to ask. So take a look around, then let us know
what you think about it. You might make a really good point about
something, then see what others think about it as well. It’s getting
involved, and sharing ideas about all kinds of subjects.”
I'm Adam. I joined this web site because I really appreciate what In
Search of Me Cafe is trying to do. When I was faced with tough choices
I never really had a lot of people to talk to. Often I was embarrassed
asking for advice on awkward stuff from my friends and family. I think
if there had been an In Search of Me Cafe when I was making tough
decisions it would have really helped me.
enough about why I like this site so much. I have always liked to party
and I love chillin’ with my friends. Obviously partying can lead to
some tough life choices; I had my first alcoholic drink when I was 13.
That may seem pretty young but I grew up in Europe where the legal age
was 16. Yes I know... that’s still underage.
I was underage. It’s easy to drink when your friends drink. Needless to
say, from the first drink till now, I have experienced a lot. Partying
was probably the best tool in learning about me which may seem strange
but I really learned a lot about how I treat my friends and
relationships, how I trust …you name it. Good times and bad I have
gained valuable life lessons. If you ever need to talk about stuff or
you have a question you’re burning to ask or if you just wanna share
stories. Go ahead and holler. I won’t judge and it’s pretty hard to
faze me. I’ll give you my honest opinion and you never know, you may
have an experience that’ll teach me some things too.
Hey, I’m Taran
Visit us on Facebook! or email me
“Every teen has to face the same type of problems and try to figure out who they are. This is a place where you can do that.”
Hey, I’m Maddie
Visit us on Facebook! or email me
“Up until this year I was picked on a lot and it really brings down
your self esteem. Kids don't think about how they're really affecting
other people with their words and eventually the other kids' self
esteem goes down and down and they start to believe what the bullies
are saying. After a while you just start to give up and think, ‘Oh,
what's the point. I suck anyway’ and your grades and everything else
Hey, I’m Chelsi.
Visit me us Facebook! or email me
Each morning I see in my mind what I’m working hard to obtain. I
know I can achieve anything I set my mind on by putting in the time
& effort needed. I believe one can learn from every experience. I
like to ‘take the best and leave the rest’!“
a rule I don’t like talking about myself. However, I want you to know
a little about me, the “teen” likely not much different than you and
thinking a lot of the same things and having similar questions etc.
I try to treat everyone with respect and kindness, just as I would
hope to be treated! Hopefully I can help answer questions you may have
or concerns you don’t want to discuss with an adult… you know
Here’s a bit of what I like to do…. I love
hanging with my friends at the movies or the mall, and staying in with
my family. I love music, sometimes when I’m upset or “heartbroken” I go
in my room and just listen to music. It just lets me cool off and just
not have to think.
Although I’m only 13 on paper, I’m
told I’m much wiser than my years. If there is a problem, I am the
first person anyone calls. I may be nice but, if someone hurts anyone I
know (whether I like ya or not) they are in trouble… haha. They call me
“the haha queen” because I can make any situation funny.
hope after hearing this little bit “about me” you want to ask me your
questions, and if you just want to chat, I’d love to. I like meeting
“And it's now, now or never when we're chasing our dreams.” -Mercy Mercedes
“I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly.” -Owl City
“Do you know what's worth fighting for? When it's not worth dying for?” –Green Day
What my friends have to say About me - Chelsi♥ ……
like talking to you because you can always make me feel good about
myself and make me happy no matter what. I like you as a person because
you really are a great friend and I thank you for being there for me,
and you’re just fun to be with.” -Jessie
hard.. To put into words.. The uncanny ability you have to put a smile
on my face and that’s just online, from reading the nearly poetic
replies. Where as over the phones it’s near impossible to explain the
warmth that washes over me when I hear your voice. For some reason when
I heard you for the first time. Chelsi you inspired my first poem I wrote … -Sean
Hey, I’m Brittany
Visit us on Facebook! or email me
“When people go to parties just to hang out, other people come and
bring drinks or cigarettes, and try to get you to do it. They keep
trying and trying to get you to drink or smoke, and you might be
tempted do it because you want to be known as a cool person.”
Hey, I’m Trent
“I have cousins my same age and younger who are Haitian and Filipino,
which allows me to connect with other cultures. Even with different
styles and different issues, these other teenagers still have some of
the same dramas we have here in America, such as peer pressure.” Hey, I’m Trent
Hey, I’m Forrest
“You can post video blogs on this site -- voice your opinions about
topics here as well as responses to what others are saying in their
blogs. So it kinda builds upon itself.”
Hey, I’m Connor
Hi, I’m Connor Cottle. I’m 17 and a junior at Fernandina Beach
High School in northeast Florida. As an only child, my friends are
really important to me, so I’m either hanging out with them or texting
them when we’re apart.
I spend my free time on the tennis court, the golf course, and at the beach. I volunteer
frequently around my community and enjoy every minute of it.
am also the Lead Youth Advisor of the In Search of Me Café program and
I’m involved because I like how connecting teens all over the world can
help them help themselves.
I’m always around if you need any advice or if you just want to hang out.
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